Are you running away from something, or moving toward something?

Introduction

Last week we talked about how to recognize the signals that your career needs a redesign, not a restart. Today: what to do about them. Most people who leave a job out of frustration end up in the same feeling 18 months later, just in a different building. Not because they picked the wrong company, but because they didn’t address what they were running away from; they only focused on getting away.

Two types of motivation

Every career-change decision is driven by one of two engines.

Away‑from motivation sounds like: “I want to get away from a micromanaging boss. Away from boredom. Away from stress that doesn’t make sense.” It’s an escape motivation, strong, urgent, and entirely legitimate. The problem isn’t wanting to get away. The problem is that away‑from motivation tells you what you don’t want but says nothing about what you do want instead.

Toward motivation sounds different: “I want independence. I want work where I see impact. I want a team where I feel competent.” It’s goal‑oriented, not escape‑oriented.

Here’s the catch: if you leave an away‑from situation without a clear toward goal, you bring yourself and your pattern with you. New company, new building, same unresolved question: what do I actually want, not just what I don’t want. This isn’t an individual failure. It’s a repeating pattern between you and the contexts you move through; until the pattern is addressed, only the scenery changes.

How to tell which type is driving you

The fastest way to find out is to notice your own sentences.

Language test: When you think about leaving, what sentences run through your head? “I want away from…” is away‑from. “I want toward…” is toward. This week, write down three reasons you’re considering a change, exactly as your mind serves them. Then check how many start with “away from” and how many with “toward.”

Bodily test: The difference shows up in the body too. When you imagine leaving your current job, do you feel relief (tension dropping, “finally”) or a pull/curiosity (mild excitement, a desire to see something)? Relief is an away‑from signal. Pull is toward. Both are valid, but they tell you different things about what needs to happen next.

Hidden commitments

Before you move on, one question people often skip: is staying your decision, or a foreign commitment you’re carrying as your own? Sometimes the reason you “stick it out” isn’t your choice, it’s a family pattern (“we don’t trade certainty for uncertainty”), loyalty to someone who once employed you, or an invisible obligation to a team you feel you “shouldn’t” leave.

Micro exercise: Draw a simple map. Write the career choice you’re hesitating about in the center. Around it, list everyone who is “in the system” of that choice—partner, parents, team, mentor, former boss. For each name, honestly answer: whose voice is that when I hesitate? Mine, or theirs that I adopted as my own?

Micro‑experiments

Before you make a big decision, there are three ways to test the change on a small scale without handing in your resignation tomorrow.

• Side project. A small, time‑bounded project in the direction you’re drawn. The goal isn’t immediate “success” but to find out how it feels in reality, not in imagination.

• Conversations with people in the field. Don’t ask “how to get there.” Ask how they talk about the work, what excites them, what frustrates them. Their words and tone tell you more than a job description.

• Shadowing. Spend a day or a few hours in the environment you’d like to move toward. It’s the most direct way to calibrate your reaction, excitement or disappointment, to the real situation, not the fantasy.

After each experiment, ask one simple question: Does my energy go up or down? Don’t overthink it, your body’s first reaction is often more accurate than rational analysis.

Bonus exercise: Take three away‑from reasons you wrote earlier (“I want away from…”) and rephrase each into a toward goal. Not “I want away from micromanagement,” but “I want an environment where I’m trusted and have space to decide.” The difference between those two sentences is the difference between escape and direction.

When to seek therapy or coaching

A final distinction that will save you time and money.

If you’re in activation, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, a feeling of “I must get out right now,” your nervous system primarily needs regulation. A week offline, movement, sleep, and distance from notifications often restore the ability to see clearly.

If you’re in shutdown, you feel almost nothing, numbness, disconnected from your life, unable to imagine what would bring you joy, that’s a deeper signal. A week offline won’t help because the problem isn’t overload but a loss of contact with yourself.

A second criterion: if the same scenario repeats across multiple jobs, different company, different boss, same feeling after a year, it’s not a bad company. It’s a pattern. Patterns don’t dissolve by changing the environment, they need an outside perspective.

Closing

Are you running away, or moving toward? And from what, toward what? Write in the comments, I’m curious how many of you recognize “away from” versus “toward” in your own sentences.